BEING A FEMALE IN NIGERIA –BFN 101

This is probably the most extensive course you’ve ever encountered. Being a female in Nigeria means a million and one things, abridged to a few in this piece. And oh put on your humour caps; trust me on this one!

Being a Nigerian female means:

• getting harassed by Wasiu, the repulsive-looking guy next door; over the counter by the cashier or pharmacist; by Uncle Tunde who coincidentally happens to be in the neighbourhood everytime Mom and Dad are away; in Yaba; in a public bus by the passenger behind you who sensually caresses your derriere from the back of your blue jeans while he “massages” his groin with the other hand in pleasure.

•if a man touches you, you get pregnant because the male skin secretes spermatozoa. I’ll surely look up the provision of the Constitution on this claim; it must have a legal backing.

•when you get raped, you’re ashamed to speak up because it must have been what you wore (plus why were you at that place at that time?)

•cooking is the most important skill to acquire; not having knowledge about sex education or consent. If you can’t cook, wetin you gain?

•“dress the way you want to be addressed” applies to only you not the random guy who is the replica of a “no-budget” Yahoo boy. Ade was harrassed by SARS and I asked him the same question people asked Amaka when she was raped, “I mean, why were you dressed that way?” He replied, “I have the right to dress anyhow. It doesn’t justify my assault.” (Oh this doesn’t apply to Amaka?)

•you can’t possibly study too much because you’ll be arrogant. Your degrees won’t build a home in the abstract sense (oh it sure will get you a nice apartment.) You shouldn’t achieve more goals than your husband because his manliness is quantified by your success (lmaooo aren’t we the “weaker sex”?)

•your husband has the right to command you to freeze your eggs but can never get a vasectomy because your ovaries fertilize themselves and that’s the only form of contraception. I mean who fries eggs with oil anyway?😂

[Probably the most important on this list]
•you must have slept with Zlatan to be cast in his video because….(see, insert anything; I couldn’t even find a “logical” explanation for this one.)

On a more serious note, women (in this case, my resource persons) feel that their femininity is defined by various forms of social discrimination and abuse. The acceptance of these evils is, therefore, an evidence of “submission” (I think Nigerians misconstrue subservience for submission but that’s a whole topic for another day). Hopefully, we all work towards changing the narrative.

Well, that’s all for BFN 101 today. Any question?? You get an extra point for liking and commenting. See you in the next class!